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| Abba Dorotheus of Gaza |
The man who finds fault with himself accepts all
things cheerfully – misfortune, loss, disgrace, dishonor and any other kind of
adversity. He believes that he is deserving of all these things and nothing can
disturb him. No one could be more at peace than this man. But perhaps you will
offer me this objection: “Suppose my brother injures me, and on examining
myself I find that I have not given him any cause. Why should I blame myself?”
Certainly if someone examines himself carefully and with fear of God, he will
never find himself completely innocent. He will see that he has given some
provocation by an action, a word or by his manner.
If he does find that he is not guilty in any of these ways, certainly he must have injured that brother somehow at some other time. Or perhaps he has been a source of annoyance to some other brother. For this reason he deserves to endure the injury because of many other sins that he has committed on other occasions. Someone else asks why he should accuse himself when he was sitting peacefully and quietly when a brother came upon him with an unkind or insulting word. He cannot tolerate it, and so he thinks that his anger is justified. If that brother had not approached him and said those words and upset him, he never would have sinned. This kind of thinking is surely ridiculous and has no rational basis. For the fact that he has said anything at all in this situation breaks the cover on the passionate anger within him, which is all the more exposed by his excessive anxiety. If he wished, he would do penance. He has become like a clean, shiny grain of wheat that, when broken, is full of dirt inside.
If he does find that he is not guilty in any of these ways, certainly he must have injured that brother somehow at some other time. Or perhaps he has been a source of annoyance to some other brother. For this reason he deserves to endure the injury because of many other sins that he has committed on other occasions. Someone else asks why he should accuse himself when he was sitting peacefully and quietly when a brother came upon him with an unkind or insulting word. He cannot tolerate it, and so he thinks that his anger is justified. If that brother had not approached him and said those words and upset him, he never would have sinned. This kind of thinking is surely ridiculous and has no rational basis. For the fact that he has said anything at all in this situation breaks the cover on the passionate anger within him, which is all the more exposed by his excessive anxiety. If he wished, he would do penance. He has become like a clean, shiny grain of wheat that, when broken, is full of dirt inside.
The man who thinks that he is quiet and peaceful
has within him a passion that he does not see. A brother comes up, utters some
unkind word and immediately all the venom and mire that lie hidden within him
are spewed out. If he wishes mercy, he must do penance, purify himself and
strive to become perfect. He will see that he should have returned thanks to
his brother instead of returning the injury, because his brother has proven to
be an occasion of profit to him. It will not be long before he will no longer
be bothered by these temptations. The more perfect he grows, the less these
temptations will affect him. For the more the soul advances, the stronger and
more powerful it becomes in bearing the difficulties that it meets.
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